Date this ass and get a new hobby!

Bike_CrashI apologize for the lack of posts of the past few months, but there have been some major changes warranting time away for Leilani and Ursula.  First of all, Leilani has been in a RELATIONSHIP for about 4 months.  Wuhoo!  More details on that from her at a later date.

What has Ursula been up to?  OMG – a lot. I, Urusula, have dated 3 men since last posting about the insane prick who dumped me and went back to his ex-girlfriend.   I started a new position at a large company at the beginning of July, and went on a few Only dates.  I say Only versus First because there were no Second dates.  I had lunch with a couple of nice guys, a beer or glass of wine with a couple of others, but none that warranted a follow up meeting. Is it so hard to find someone who you “click” with?  Apparently so.  Then, I went on one HORRIBLE wine date.  I’ll be brief here because this is just the lead in to the real story.  Wine guy was a Mama’s boy. Holy shit. All he could talk  about were his mom, grandma, and sister. He had NO friends. None.  Our date was at a wine bar, so I ordered a nice Pinot Noir.  After the glass was empty and I’d been listening to him drone on and on about Mama I contemplated shattering the glass bar fight style so I could use the shards to slice my wrists.  Luckily, the waiter came up about that point to see if I wanted a refill – ya think?  Just as I was about to shout, “For the love of God, yes!” as I was needing the wine to make this guy even the slightest bit interesting, he tells the waiter No, she’s fine!  What the fuck was that??????  Uh, hello?  You are boring as hell, and I NEED that second glass if I’m going to continue to sit here and appear to give 2 shits about anything coming out of your mouth.  20 minutes later I was scooting home in my car, laughing at how horrible that was.

ANYWAY, on my way home, a guy I had been messaging with had emailed that he was going out that night to a place near where I was, so I sent him my phone number..just easier to text than email.  He texted 2 minutes later (no lie), and he was on his way to the very wine bar I had just escaped from…..asking if I would want to meet up. I told him I JUST left from there after the WORST first date ever (yes I admitted I been on a date), so he suggested we go to a place around the corner. I whipped my little hybrid around and found him sitting in the back.  Holy shitballs – he was hot. Like smokin’ hot. 

After we spent a good 10 minutes making fun of the stingy wine guy, we talked for a few hours and had a great time. He walked me to my car, we made out a little (omg), and said we’d definitely get together sometime soon.

Flash forward to date 4, I go over to his house for dinner. The boy can cook. Please note: this is date #4 AND I’m going to his HOUSE for dinner. For most adults, this means things should be consumated that night. Am I right?  Well, that was an incorrect assumption.  Dude dropped on me that he didn’t want to have sex until we were in a committed relationship, that sex complicates and masks things, etc.  Whoa!  What?  I’ve never come across this before. Uncharted territory.  I think I’m impressed! 

I might mention here that dude is competitive cyclist. He’s completely obsessed with the sport, and his man-house and weird assortment of cars reflect this, too. Now for whatever reason, I decide that it would be cool to get into cycling, so, I buy a road bike off a friend who was over her 20 second desire to get into the sport.  For a really good deal, she sells me the bike and all her equipment and clothing. I’m stoked!

On my second solo ride, I fell off my bike. Take note: do NOT assume clipping into your pedals is a smart move for a novice. It’s not. You will fall every time. Trust me.

This fall wasn’t just a little fall. No, I fell hard on my left elbow and thought I broke it.  I ended up driving myself with one arm to Urgent Care for x-rays. Not broken but I burst the bursa sac, and ended up in a sling.  And where was my new beau, you may ask?  On his own bike for a long ride…..50 miles.  After he got home, he called to see if I was ok. He didn’t have the decency to come over and check on me. I was on narcotic pain killer for crying out loud.  That should have been my first clue as to how self absorbed he was.

A month into this relationship, I went away for the weekend to take my kids to spend the week with their grandparents.  He and I had said we’d get together when I got back on Sunday night.  Instead of texting to see what we were going to do, he texts: “Call me when you get home. We need to talk”.  Damn. That’s never good.

After I steel myself for being dumped, I call. He proceeds to say that after being together for a month he expected to miss me after being away for a weekend but he didn’t and he took that as a sign that we had no long term potential.  I was insulted but relieved.  I really didn’t see it going anywhere either but was just enjoying the ride, no pun intended.   I thanked him for his cander and honesty.  Ugh. At least, the bike accident hurt worse than the break up.

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