For the Men: Online profile tips to increase your success

Men, Pay attention. If you want us to respond to your profile, please keep reading….

 

1)      There isn’t much that says “taking you home to meet my Mom” like a shirtless picture taken by your cell phone via the bathroom mirror.  I mean, even if you are hot, I still think you’re an idiot if you post this picture. We are women. We are deeper than that, Moron.

2)      You MUST post at least 1 picture. A profile with Zero pictures is an immediate red flag. I guarantee I will not respond to you if there are no pictures.

3)      All your pictures are selfies and you are not smiling = RED FLAG.  I will assume you are a sullen asshole with no friends.

4)      Don’t post pictures of your motorcycle, your boat, or you holding some big ass fish. Those things impress dudes, not women.  Well, some women. The kind who want you for material things.

5)      You email us with a Cut and Paste email. We are not stupid. We can spot a form email a mile away. Make it somewhat personal. I’m not like every other girl, I promise you. You insult me with your lack of effort.

6)      You can compliment me in your first email to me, but don’t make it my name. i.e. Hello, Beautiful! Or Hey, Gorgeous!  Or my favorite, What’s up, Hot Mama?  I’d rather you go for a Ryan Gosling meme’d Hey, Girl if you must say anything like it.

7)      Don’t email back and forth with me 5 times if you don’t have the balls to ask me out. If I’m emailing you back, I’m interested.

8)      Please Please Please do NOT post pictures of your children!  This is a public website and PEDOPHILES are everywhere.  Be smart, guys!  Besides, if your profile says you have kids, I will believe you. I don’t need photographic evidence.

9)      Only use photos that are 1 year old at the worst. If I choose to meet you and you show up looking 10 years older, I promise it will completely turn me off.

10)   Check my preferences. If I indicate that my preferred age range is 35-45, don’t contact me if you are 24 or 55.  I don’t want to babysit you or take you to elder care.

ryan gosling

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